I have caught the grumpy
I’ve been trying very hard to avoid the whole daylight savings disgruntledness that has been going around. Very hard.
I have managed to lose my gruntle after all.
Mainly because I work very hard to not suck at the guitar, and although its meant to be complimentary, it seems like when people attribute my non-suckatude at the guitar to “natural talent” (of which I have none) it detracts from where I really do feel pride: my stubborn, painful, grinding persistence. It takes time and effort to not suck, my chops are hard earned.
No one makes me practice until my brain threatens to bleed out from my ears, I do that to myself. People who are naturally talented aren’t filled with the same dread and self loathing that I am when they hear themselves play.
Sometimes it feels like I have misshapen flippers attached to my wrists instead of human hands.
And I’m developing some kind of neurotic thing about practicing when my husband is around. He makes these faces when I stop to work on a chord transition, or to repeat a few measures until I get the attack just right. Matt thinks I really suck, then he acts all supportive, and reassures me that I don’t suck. I have no idea how to communicate to him that its just practice, and practice sounds bad, and I don’t need the reassurance. I know practice sounds bad, that is why it is practice.
As if that weren’t enough to give me a complete gruntle-ectomy, there are people close to me, people I love that always like to point out “You play very well for being left handed.” and I don’t know if that means if they think I play better for being left-handed or that I’m allowed to live with lower standards because I’m left-handed.I am left handed, but I play right handed.
I don’t want to ask because I have a hard time forming a question about the statement in such a way that might not be slapping down a kindly given compliment. I would just like someone to tell me the answer without me having to create the question. Is that too much to ask?
(((You)))
I saw you play last year at the covered bridge with a cast on your hand. Your hard work had payed off, because you rocked girl.
I have been told all of my life that I am very good at drawing and painting. I believe this is true, but there was a time when I was not so good. And there are even days when I out-and-out SUCK (I call this phenomenon “the Crappies”). When The Crappies hit, it seems as if NO stitch is right; the pencil feels like an alien object; the paintbrush never goes where I want it to go, when I want it to go there.
So, those with talent have to practice, too – to get over our “crappies” and move on. I hear you, girl. Hang in there.