getting ready for the 21st

It’s not that horrible, at least that’s what I tell myself. I tell myself a lot of things when I’m sewing, things like “I’m never doing another craft show again.” (Lie.) Things like “This is so not worth the effort.” (Lie.) and “Next year I’m just going to buy gifts for everyone and not worry about any of this.” (Lie.) and a perennial favorite “Just one more.” (Lie.)

I’m starting to not believe anything I say when there’s a sewing needle and fabric involved.

The pattern is simplified, instead of four pieces for the front and back body– it’s now two, the limbs are all the same length, and the ears have been enlarged.

I cut and machine sew in small batches, but I do all the stuffing and final detailing individually. This gives me the opportunity to make them all a little different and to give them distinct personalities. Sometimes I raid my jewelry box and wardrobe, looking for the right set of buttons for the eyes or a little bling for the attitude. It depends on my mood, and without anthropomorphizing too much– on theirs.

Speaking of moods, I am in a particularly good mood this morning. Last week, in school, we were put into small groups of five to work on a group project. Now getting five people to work together isn’t that difficult, not normally. Four out of five in my group were flaking off all week, it’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the statistical anomaly that is actually present and accounted for at all times.

I ended up doing the whole assignment alone, all last week. Posting my progress as I went so that at any point someone could just jump in and contribute. No help came, no group input, progress or participation. Nothing. Four people were completely MIA. I finished it, turned it in and waited.

I checked my grade today– I earned an A! Yay me! I did the work of five people, alone and not only passed but earned a nice grade. <Happy Dance!> This assignment was a huge chunk o’grade for the class too, so it brought my overall grade up from a B to an A.

Even better, the class facilitator wrote a really nice comment to go along with the grade.

Okay, so there’s probably four people that currently hate my guts, but I feel fantastic about it otherwise. I know I’m bragging, it’s just that this was really difficult for me on so many levels, and I worked so hard. I was cringing as I submitted the assignment because I was sure I’d screwed it up somehow or missed a vital point of the objectives. My stomach has been in knots waiting for a sub-par grade. This is a wave of relief as well as affirmation.

The whole week I was so wound up, and if it hadn’t been for Opal (the consummate best friend at all times, even when I’m whining) and my husband (who tends to administer sage advice when I most need it) I might have frozen up completely due to my own insecurities and the mounting pressure.

I went to pickup a cone yesterday and surprise– it’s not there. They are out and not planning on restocking. I’m not totally destroyed by this turn of events, but I’d planned on some lazy evenings next to a cozy fire, bundled in my quilt with Blue at my feet (and Greta sneaking off to eat Blue’s food) knitting a g’zillion (or more likely a few dozen) random and oddly conservative Christmassy looking things to hawk at the craft fair next month.

Instead, I’ll be forced back to the sewing machine. Away from the fire. My quilt carefully folded across the foot of the bed.Blue no doubt will be fastidious in avoiding the mind-numbing hum of the sewing machine and Greta will guard the couch, sure to warn away any potential trespassers with her deep and rumbling snore.

The good news is that sewing goes much faster than knitting, and I’ll be done with fewer hours dedicated to the dull throb of knitting with yarn that I don’t like. It also gives me a chance to skinny down the stacks of fabric that are currently threatening to take over the dining room.

Unfortunately, most of the fabrics that I own aren’t exactly Christmas and holiday fare. I have an inordinate amount of stretch fabrics, most in eye searing colors. Very few calico or prints on cotton. A little bit of batik. A little bit of linen stuff that I dyed myself. Some more or less wool blend plaid (the leftovers of a corset that I made about 8 years ago and cannot conceivably throw out) and lots of vintage bits that must be quilted together in order to qualify for any significant contribution.

Have I mentioned that I’m not really a quilter? I understand the theories behind quilting, I even understand the technical details and have a basic mastery of “cut things and sew them together.” Somehow, the idea of me actually quilting, just doesn’t work into my concept of the universe.

Unlike various other pursuits, I don’t recall ever having a quilt related trauma. I don’t have a relentless and overwhelming reason for quilt avoidance, and I even own books that are meant to guide the new quilter to aptitude and I live next to a quilting Goddess who has offered multiple times to mentor my quilting journey. No excuse.

And so, it is with no excuse that I am going to continue not quilting. I have no idea what I’ll be making when I do set down to make. Not a clue. Other than I need to make enough to fill a six foot table for three days of a craft show, that I have an eleven day deadline to get to that comfortable place. and that I intend on listening to my collection of Johnny Cash cds in chronological order while I work. With any luck I’ll finish before the man in black reaches the cover of Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus.”

My husband said “Someone took all the sunshine and tubby toast and left these dead bodies.”

Lexi said “Ok, my kitties.”

Josey said “Why don’t they have tails?”

Greta says “…”

And that about sums it up doesn’t it?

We went to the dump, I think it’s such a shame that we can only leave our garbage there. Wouldn’t it be cool if people could pay a fee and take a few useful things? I know there’s Freecycle.org (hey, I’m a local list owner for Freecycle)– it does keep lots of worthwhile goods from the landfills, but it would be really nice to give the stuff just one last chance.

Next time we go to the dump I’m bringing the camera, even if I can’t take anything but pictures for inspiration, there is some fascinating juxtaposition. There was a giant teddy bear dirty and laying over bits of broken furniture and trash, there was a bent and twisted yellow tricycle not too far away, piles of brush neatly lined up next to 2x4s in a loose and sloppy stack– like a sick before and after testimonial. The discarded appliances looked so sad in their corral, like old worn down horses waiting for the glue factory truck, tucked tightly and nervously standing near together for comfort.

I have a seriously creepy imagination, I half expected cowboys (stoveboys) to come riding up on 4-wheelers and start herding those poor appliances.

Anyway, I discovered that my theme for the moment seems to be frays and unfinishing. This is a denim pocket that I made yesterday, note the perfectly mitred corner– some things are just instinctual, expecting me to *not* mitre corners is like expecting cats to treat humans with respect. But the top of the inner flap is raw (although again, expecting me to not put some kind of control in there is against man and nature, I did put a straight stitch about 3/8ths in down in order to keep the fraying in check.

Okay, I did manage to relax a little bit when making an organizer for my cutting tools. Note that the seams are all unfinished (even on the ruffle. I can’t wait until it’s been through the wash a few times to fuzzy up.

The faces are paper mache (newspaper and argo laundry starch) and polymer clay.

Although I swear I put more dye on the first one, I must have twisted it too tightly since there are large white swathes that look kind of like graffiti. I used the more 60′s style of dying, crumpling, then twisting, then wrapping and dipping in the dye.

The second cloth I pleated with large (about an inch and a quarter) pleats that progressively get looser, then tightly bound it in sections using rubber bands.

Although I like both cloths, I’m definitely more partial to the second one. The pattern seems more complete. Next time I do some cloth I’ll add some humectant to encourage more movement with the dye.

I fancy that after I’m done staring at them for a while I might actually do some fussy cut patchwork.

And sometimes there’s a robot armed with my shears.

A sewing robot. Genius.

See all that stuff on my table? Other than the thread organizer and the machine, there wasn’t anything on that table when I started working. Now look at it. Look at it. Messes are a sure sign that I’m hard at work.

I managed to get through the next two steps of sewing, so my next step is filling the sachets with potpourri and then sewing the tops closed, and from there I can make the tea tags and finish this batch. This batch. Then the whole process starts over again.

What’s the rub? Well, my potpourri lady screwed up. First she tries to give me finely shredded potpourri, which would be okay if I were using something like cotton or linen for the bags themselves, but I’m using tulle, I’ve always used tulle. It’s sieve-like in nature. And sachets end up in underwear drawers. I don’t think people want finely shredded potpourri dust in their underwear– just a guess.

Now I buy enough potpourri from this lady that I should command some kind of consideration, and I buy it on a regular basis, and I recommend her to other people, which brings her additional business. I’m not asking for anything special, I don’t even ask for discounts or for her to put my orders ahead– just that when I order something and pay for it that I get exactly what I ordered. This means what I ordered, in the color and size that I ordered, with the scents that I ordered, without anything that I didn’t order.

One has to wonder (at least I do) how an order for large “white floral and citrus” potpourri turns into finely shredded “bayberry” with freakin’ glitter and bayberries. The invoice says “Lrg: wht-flr/cit” how does that turn into bayberry fairy dust?

With most mistakes I might be gentler in my opinion, but this has happened before with alarming frequency. Hopefully my Mom or one of my stepsisters will have a use for this stuff. I made a quick run to the dollar store for an acceptable replacement. I found some cinnamon spice and some mulberry in the large petal form sans glitter, both are a bit darker in color than what I’d normally prefer– at this point I’m willing to improvise.Second event for the day was a blatant disregard and violation for the “No food near Sewing Area Treaty of 2002″ Fortunately extreme military action was not required due to the prompt implementation of paper towels and the aforementioned use of ziplock bags. Temporary cookie sanctions will be in place until the violator reaches preschool or is willing to accept the conditions of, and sign, the treaty.

Now given the events of this morning is it that irrational of me to hide out in the shop, leaving the children under the close supervision of my husband so I can spin yarn for an hour before going back inside, because that’s my plan. As soon as I hit “publish” on this entry, I’m going to be wrist deep in Shetland.

First I have to clean my sewing area. Then I have to declutter and reallocate things to various crafts (knitting, sewing, book binding, embroidery, paper making, etc) then I have to wipe and dust everything. Then after the wiping and dusting there was the rearrangement of scissors, snippers, machine feet, bobbins, storage boxes, tracing paper, pattern paper, soap stone pencils, various and sundry things, the little rotary cutter and tiny cutting mat, and then the circle cutter. Then I felt the overwhelming need to press some scraps and stash them neatly folded in large zip-lock bags and hang the bags (three at a time) on some pants hangers.

I swear, I’m really not obsessive compulsive– I just don’t really feel like working today and cleaning was an easy out. I finally ran out of reasonably sane cleaning and did sit down to pin the seam of the tulle that I’m using and actually seam it. Then I cut my long tube of tulle into the individual pieces. So that’s a little something isn’t it?

I am doing all of the sewing by hand, not that machine sewing is wrong; it’s just that spinning has really changed my perspective on the value of the time and effort involved.

Production sewing really sucked the joy out of my life. It wasn’t limited to just killing the joy of sewing and crafting, but left me feeling completely hopeless at times. It took quite a while for me to feel really creative after I left the industry, and everytime I pick up a needle and thread now, I feel like I’m reclaiming a little part of myself. I guess that’s why I truly feel like learning to spin and knit has saved me from a padded room, because without the creative outlet I’d be completely lost.

I haven’t done the lining or the eyes yet, since I haven’t really decided if I want to use felt as the book suggests or if I want to try making bead eyes. I think this is another one of those projects where I might want to make more than one, it’s just turning out so cute. I see potential here, it wouldn’t be difficult at all to adapt this to make a clown fish or with the right textured fabric– a puffer fish. Puffer fish are pretty cool too.

This time I’m going to try to not get ahead of myself and just the gold fish through to the end (although that won’t keep me from staring at fabric longingly and drooling just a little.)